8 words that mean something different to fantasy owners

8 words that mean something different to fantasy owners
August 15, 2014, 10:00 am
Share This Post

BY PETER HAILEY

Fantasy football has become a favorite activity for people everywhere. Millions of kids and adults, men and women, football fans and non football fans, and even NFL players partake in America's national (fantasy sports) pastime every year.

As the game has grown in popularity, so has its jargon. A word that means one thing in every day life may take on a whole new meaning when it is spoken by a fantasy footballer. This can lead to a lot of confusion.

Fortunately, with the 2014 Fantasy Football season about ready to kick off, we've provided you with a list of terms that mean something completely different when they're spoken in the rich and wonderful tongue of fantasy football. Whether you're the three time champ of your office league and you just want to brush up on your vocabulary, or you're someone who is tired of being lost in translation, this is the list for you. Now start studying!

1. Message Board

To someone who doesn't play fantasy football, it simply means: A place on the internet where people can post or share their opinions.

To someone who does play fantasy football, it actually means: The place in your fantasy league where the obnoxious owner of team Turn Down for Watt/Teenage Mutant Ninja Bortles/Orton Hears a Who, who is 1-9 through ten weeks, is still, for some unknown reason, talking smack. 

2. Snake

To someone who doesn't play fantasy football, it simply means: An elongated carnivorous reptile that has no eyelids and jaws capable of considerable extension. 

To someone who does play fantasy football, it actually means: A draft in which the draft order for round 1 reverses in round 2. In other words, the type of draft where you get confused, forget that you are picking in a much different slot than last round, leave after making a pick to refill your chips and salsa, then return to see you've taken another quarterback, your third straight. 

3. Cheat Sheet

To someone who doesn't play fantasy football, it simply means: A sheet of paper used to assist in the taking of tests.

To someone who does play fantasy football, it actually means: A drafting tool that has all players listed in order of how well they're expected to do in the upcoming season. To some, just another place where Tony Romo and Jay Cutler are overrated.

4. Flex

To someone who doesn't play fantasy football, it simply means: Bending your arm or your leg to contract or reveal a muscle.

To someone who does play fantasy football, it actually means: A spot in your starting lineup where you can insert a running back or a wide receiver, and in some leagues, a tight end too. Often times, this position is the one that completely consumes the lives of fantasy owners everywhere, stresses them out to the point where they lie awake at night agonizing over their choices, and prevents them from enjoying anything else until they decide on who to slide into the flex slot.

[RELATED: Jay Gruden, Jon Gruden, and the origin of 'Dog Boy']

5. Handcuffs

To someone who doesn't play fantasy football, it simply means: A pair of lockable metal rings that are used for securing one's wrists.

To someone who does play fantasy football, it actually means: One of the players who is a spot behind the depth chart of someone you drafted earlier. For example, you may choose to draft Christine Michael after you draft Marshawn Lynch, so if Lynch gets injured, you have his backup as an insurance policy. Just be sure to avoid going overboard with this one. No need to draft the third string strictly blocking tight end or kicker who only does kickoffs. Those guys tend to have very limited fantasy value.

6. Keeper

To someone who doesn't play fantasy football, it simply means: A person who manages or looks after something or someone

To someone who does play fantasy football, it actually means: In keeper leagues, a keeper is a player that you retain for the next season. More simply, the guy who you undervalued last year and is now absolutely destroying everyone this year, especially against your team, where if felt like he made a point to singlehandedly ruin your week.

7. Vulture

To someone who doesn't play fantasy football, it simply means: A large bird of prey with the head and neck more or less bare of feathers and feeds mostly on other sick, injured, or dead animals.

To someone who does play fantasy football, it actually means: A running back or fullback whose sole purpose is to convert goal line carries into touchdowns. Also known as the coolest thing in the world when you have one on your team, and the only thing more frustrating than the person-who-stands-on-the-left-side-of-metro-escalators-when-everyone-knows-that's-the-lane-for-people-who-want-to-walk when they're stealing touchdowns from your running back.

8. Wave/Waive

To someone who doesn't play fantasy football, it simply means: The side to side motion of the hand used to greet or signal someone.

To someone who does play fantasy football, it actually means: When you drop a player who is not performing up to your expectations/is out for the year/is a wide receiver for the Jaguars/is a running back for a Jason Garrett coached team.